The room where I sleep at my Grandma’s house has a huge bed
in the center of it, perfect for sprawling out. It can hold several girls up
late giggling or mountains of pillows to squeeze while you cry. It supports you
when you’re too tired to think and rebounds back when in your joy you can
barely lie still.
The last week has seen most of these emotions.
On Wednesday, I collapsed after the longest and most
draining day of my life (not really, but at the moment that’s how I felt), too
tired to even brush my teeth or turn off the light. I was convinced the whole
semester was going to feel like that: emotionally exhausting, mentally
impossible, physically unengaging and spiritually dry. Overwhelmed with
frustration and buzzed with caffeine, I desperately tried to fall asleep as an
escape from the weight of it all.
But tonight is different.
My day was just as long and started just as early (and will
someone please tell me who invented 7:30am classes?). There was an
administrative mishap that sent me straight to the kitchen to emotionally eat
(I can’t fairly call it binging because there wasn’t enough time to do any real
damage, but it is something that surprised me that I’m going to be mindful of),
a mixed up assignment and a class full of (for lack of a better term) morons.
By nightfall, I was spent… and still expected at Bible
study.
While in my 9 hours of class, I spent most of my time with a
grumbling stomach because I didn’t have time to eat. I had completely forgotten
that I was also emotionally starved, as well, and needed to sit in a circle
with other women who loved the Lord and be refreshed and reminded of why I’m
here and what I’m doing.
But Jesus knew, and He drew me back tonight with the love
and the assurance that I had lost this week, with all of the quizzes and papers
and early mornings and missed meetings.
As I had once again tried to become Martha, He reminded me
that only one thing was necessary, and I did not have to have it taken from me.
I still have to study and time management will still be a
struggle, but tonight I’ve been reminded that I am a daughter of the living
God- adopted into the priesthood of the saints and surrounded by the most
incredible women who are fighting for the same things as me. Together, we’re
going to fight the fight, finish the race and keep the faith, so that at the
end of all days we can stand hand in
hand and hear, “Well done, good and faithful servants.”
I'm sprawled on this wonderful bed, sitting in silence without a million worries racing through my mind.
God is so good.
What wondrous love is this, o my soul? That He would love me enough to wait for me to remember that it is not the programs that delight, but the people. That I can do nothing apart from Him, but with Him, I can do all things. That He loved me not because of what I've done, but because He is love.
Praise the Lord, o my soul.
